Growing up in Little Rock, Arkansas, I faced a world where gang violence, drugs, and crime were daily realities. My memoir, The In Crowd: Life, Legacy, Leadership, isn’t just about my journey to professional football—it’s about the lessons of resilience, faith, and leadership that carried me through adversity and shaped who I am today. From the perilous streets of my childhood to the fields of the Arena Football League (AFL), Canadian Football League (CFL), and even a brief stint with the NFL, I learned how to rise above challenges, stay true to my values, and lead with purpose. Here, I share the key lessons from my life, hoping to inspire you to navigate your own struggles and create a meaningful legacy.
Resilience Through Adversity
My early years were tough. Living in a gang-ridden neighborhood, I saw fights and shootings regularly. My mother’s struggle with substance abuse forced me to step up as a caretaker for my younger brother, Randii, while my older brother, Aaron, was deeply involved in gang life. Despite the pressure to follow Aaron’s path, I chose differently. I focused on football and school, even though I was associated with gangs by virtue of being Aaron’s brother. Looking back, I realize resilience isn’t just about surviving—it’s about making deliberate choices to break free from your circumstances.
In college at the University of Arkansas, I faced another test. As a walk-on football player, I dealt with skepticism from coaches and teammates, and my responsibilities as a new father at 18 added pressure. Then came an academic suspension. I remember thinking, “I failed myself by not putting in the effort that got me here.” That moment hit hard, but it woke me up. I worked multiple jobs, took extra classes, and leaned on mentors like Dr. Kilambi, who refused to let me give up. His belief in me, combined with my determination, got me back on track. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that setbacks are chances to grow—if you keep pushing forward.
Faith as My Anchor
Faith has been my rock through every storm. In high school, I found solace at Second Baptist of John Barrow, where I built a relationship with Jesus that shaped my decisions. Church became a safe haven, a place where I felt protected amidst the chaos of my neighborhood. That spiritual foundation helped me face personal losses—like losing my father, grandfather, and uncle in quick succession. One of the hardest moments was calling my father before his death in a car accident. Guided by what I believe was the Holy Spirit, I told him, “I forgive you for everything.” That act of forgiveness brought me peace and taught me that faith can heal even the deepest wounds.
Throughout my football career, prayer kept me grounded. When I was cut from the Tampa Bay Storm or battling injuries, I turned to God for strength. I’ve always believed that rushing ahead of God’s plan can lead you astray, while lagging behind means missing blessings. Faith gave me clarity to make tough choices, like prioritizing my family over an uncertain NFL dream. My advice? Build a connection with your faith—it’s a source of hope and guidance when life feels uncertain.
Leading with Confidence and Humility
On the field, my confidence was my edge. Some called it cockiness, but I saw it as belief in myself. My teammate Donnell Fletcher once said, “Kahlil has fire inside him that gets stoked when someone doubts him.” That fire drove me to shine in moments like the Greensboro game, where I threw for 200 yards and felt my father’s spirit fueling me. It pushed me from a walk-on at Arkansas to a professional athlete in the AFL, CFL, and NFL Europe, where I earned accolades like Defensive Player of the Year in the AF2.
But leadership isn’t just about confidence—it’s about humility, too. Playing for the Toronto Argonauts, I learned from coaches like Rich Stubler, who taught me, “It’s not about the twelve best, but the best twelve.” His words showed me that a team thrives on unity, not individual glory. CFL legend Damon Allen also shaped me, advising, “There are lessons woven within complaints.” Listening to critics helped me grow, tempering my confidence with a willingness to learn. Leading means owning your strengths but staying open to feedback—it’s a balance that makes you effective.
Building a Legacy Through Mentorship
My proudest legacy isn’t my athletic achievements—it’s the impact I’ve had on others. After my playing days, I worked at an alternative high school, mentoring at-risk youth. I felt called to inspire them, just as coaches like John Jenkins and Gary Anderson inspired me. Jenkins gave me my first pro shot with the Arkansas Twisters, seeing potential where others didn’t. Anderson praised my leadership, noting, “Kahlil owned the field… showing how to do it the right way.” Their belief in me fueled my desire to give back.
I’ve also learned that legacy comes from living with purpose. I didn’t win an NFL championship, but I found fulfillment in my AFL and CFL contributions and in supporting my family. By my early 30s, I realized, “I had accomplished enough.” Success isn’t about fame—it’s about using your gifts to make a difference. Whether through coaching, mentoring, or simply being there for my daughter and brother, I’ve tried to leave a positive mark. My challenge to you is to find your purpose and use it to uplift others.
Conclusion
Writing The In Crowd: Life, Legacy, Leadership was my way of sharing the lessons that shaped me. From resilience in the face of adversity to faith as a guiding light, from balancing confidence with humility to building a legacy through mentorship, my journey reflects the power of determination and purpose. Growing up in Little Rock’s challenges, I emerged stronger, believing, as I wrote, “With God by my side, no weapon against me shall prosper.” My story is a call to rise above your circumstances, lead with integrity, and create a legacy that inspires. Join me in becoming part of the “in crowd” by living with purpose and making a difference.
